Yet another post from a Metro NY Pastor

Why now? Why this? Why these measures?

If I were a partnered celebrity lesbian in the ELCA and wanted to be
ordained, I would choose a synod known for its left-wing bias. I would
choose a bishop that couldn’t even remember the first time he sold out. I
would have my friends set up a scheme which would protect me from the
discipline of the ELCA.

The scheme would take long range planning, secrecy, and flawless
execution. It would have to be a scheme by which resolutions protecting me
could be passed—discretely, under the wire, perhaps in a secretive
manner, perhaps in a special meeting where some didn’t even know we were
going to be voting on resolutions.

The first resolution would frame the latter ones by thanking the synod
administration for its hospitality, care, and support to homosexuals
and lesbians—even partnered ones. Great effort would have to be put forth
to prevent anyone from removing the word “partnered” from the
resolution. This sets the stage.

The second resolution would insist that cases such as my own be handled
with discretion, sensitively, compassionately, ineffectively, with much
hand wringing and no real action…what’s the word I am searching for?
Anyway, it would insure that when I violate the standards—and I will be
in violation from the start—there must be some other violation in
addition to my sexual behavior in order to trigger my being disciplined.

The third resolution would create an exception to my being disciplined.
It would insist that any official examining my behavior must move the
focus of inquiry immediately to the missional and pastoral needs of the
congregation rather than my behavior.

There is always the problem of the ELCA ruling something
unconstitutional. Perhaps we can get an early indication and then the motions that
are likely to be struck down, we can tie them up in the ELCA church
council until April or so. Perhaps I could get an ex-bishop who couldn’t
remember the first time he sold out to fashion such an amendment.

The only thing left would be to schedule my celebrity ordination and
photo op on or about the date of the synod meeting.

Oh, I know there are some issues. Will it split the synod? Will it spit
in the face of the ELCA assembly in Orlando? Will it make the bishop
look like a useful idiot? Will it cause Neanderthals who believe what the
Bible says to drift away from their congregations? Will it expose me
and my supporters as evil people who only care about our own agenda and
to hell with the church if it’s not on board? Well, I shouldn’t have to
take responsibility for these things. I would simply be trying to make
a statement here and advance an agenda.

That’s what I would do if I were a partnered celebrity lesbian in the
ELCA and wanted to be ordained.

-Anonymous in Metro NY